Supposedly I was created in God’s image. I don’t know…  you’d think God would have a bigger penis than this.


Here’s a wacky idea: Instead of spending all that money, and then putting up with this monstrosity in your house, why not just turn your fucking phone OFF?


No way in Hell do I buy Trump turning down Man of the Year. That big of a narcissist would never give up those bragging rights.


I agree.


Down the hard way.



“What is this weird creature, mama?” 


Is it bad taste to make fun of all of the sexual harassment scandals that have been surfacing, lately? If so, I apologize to anyone I may have offended, here. For thee record, I am embarrassed on behalf of my gender due to these pervs.


…then there’s this genius.




“A blade of grass is a commonplace on Earth; it would be a miracle on Mars. Our descendants on Mars will know the value of a patch of green. And if a blade of grass is priceless, what is the value of a human being?”
― Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space


This is what that asteroid that came from outside our solar system looks like.


They’re at it again. Or should I say, still? Hopefully, this fool’s flight is successful, and he can convince fellow nutbars of their errors.


$600,000 for a car seems nuts, to me, no matter how rare it is.




“It’s making an odd whistling noise”. Oh, it’s nice to have “friends”.




The wife left a note on the fridge: “It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother.” I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. I wonder what the hell she is talking about?


In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on a classmate. So for Valentine’s Day, he bought her a box of chocolates and took it to school. When I returned home from work, I found him on the couch eating the same box of candy. “What happened?” I asked. “Well, I thought about it for a long time,” he said between chews. “And I decided that, for now, I still like candy more than girls.”


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