Two members of what is now ZZ Top toured America in the 1960’s with a group pretending to be the band The Zombies.
Hate your job? Imagine a career accompanying the king to the toilet.
People who didn’t pick the smartest partner.
Technology has advanced, but people haven’t
My kind of workout.
The remains of a planet are orbiting Mars.
Mars may also have once had rings, and could have some in the future.
The New Horizons spacecraft is halfway to its next destination.
An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents. After a few years they asked her to come home for a visit, as her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing fur and diamonds. As she walked into the house her father said “Hmmm – they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London.” The girl took his hands and said “Dad – I’ve been meaning to tell you something for years but I didn’t want to put it in a letter. I can’t hide it from you any longer. I’ve become a prostitute.” Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called. As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly “I’m killed by my own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you’ve become!” “Please forgive me” his daughter sobbed, “I only wanted to have nice things! I wanted to be able to send you money and the only way I could do it was by becoming a prostitute.” Brushing the priest aside, the old man sat bolt upright in bed, smiling. “Did you say prostitute? That was a close one – I thought you said Protestant.”
For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide, and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his neck. “Hooray!” shouted the guide. “Here comes man’s best friend! “Yeah,” said the Irishman. “An’ look at the size of the dog that’s bringin’ it!”
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your tools along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.” Tom got a horrified look on his face and began choking. She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?” He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!” Tom replied: “I wasn’t.”
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